The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: Come On, Honey...
A newlywed steps out of the shower and is promptly asked to pose for a nude photo by her husband. She wants one of him in return...
This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his wife and four children. Three are tall and athletic, but the fourth... isn't. He asks his wife about them...
Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
Joke: The Fortune Teller and the Bad News
A sneaky woman decides to visit a fortune teller when she's in New Orleans
This Joke Starts With a Man Working Late
A businessman works late to be with his young secretary, but eventually makes his way home. He begins to think up his excuses...
Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
A man's penis just starts to grow with no end to the growth in sight. He soon resorts to seeking out a urologist...
These Hilarious Kids Were Left Unsupervised...
When toddlers or young children are left on their own, the likelihood is a disaster will ensue. Here are 20 timely reminders why they shouldn't be left alone!
I Love Reading These Funny Lines!
There's a grain of truth in every joke. And even as we laugh, the humor helps us remember some truths. Of course, sometimes a funny line... is just a funny line!
Hilarious: Ready for Some Christmas Cartoons?
Here we've collected for you a series of funny Christmas cartoons for you to enjoy and to share with your family and friends!
15 Quirky Spanish Idioms That'll Brighten Your Day
Who doesn’t love a funny idiom? Today, let’s learn about some hilariously quirky Spanish idioms.
These Images of Pets Returning from the Vet Are Hilarious!
Here is a collection of funny images of pets that have just returned from the vet, and their expressions say it all!
Hilarious: You Can Only See Scenes Like This In AUSTRALIA!
Australia is pretty unique, so good luck finding photos like these anywhere else...
Only in Russia: 10 Hilarious Cars Transformed into Tanks
There is a new hilarious trend in Russia - turning your own car into a tank! Click here to see these funny creations!
These Funny Shop Signs Are Absolutely Outrageous!
These shop signs prove that many shopkeepers still have a healthy sense of humor!
Simon's Cat Presents: A Day in the Life of a Cat!
This colored episode brings us a day in the life of Simon's Cat. Let's see what that looks like...
Hilarious: These "translators" Should Quit Their Job...
This is hilarious!! See These Signs in ENGLISH!!
You're Never Too Old To Have Fun! These Seniors Prove It
There may be some seniors who'd rather take life slowly. But others, do not want to waste a second having fun.
Who Said God Isn't Funny? These Church Signs are Hilarious!
Although churches are houses of worship, that doesn't mean to say that they can't have a sense of humor! These amazing signs are evidence of that.
Indecent Behavior: That's Not the Way to Conduct Yourself!
Waitresses see some shocking behavior from courting couples, but tonight's spectacle was extraordinarily indecent...
These Rude 'Chinese' Proverbs Got Me Laughing
Ok, so they may not really be Chinese, but they are certainly funny!
Simon's Cat: A Day in the Life of a Cat Owner
Being a cat owner really changes you as a person, only cat people understand this. But everyone will get the humor in this new extended Simon's Cat episode!
Keep Your Lips and Hugs to Yourself Human! Hilarious
A lot of dog and cat owners love to kiss their pets. But often the pet doesn't understand this strange custom. This hilarious compilation shows their reactions!
My All-Time Favorite Broken-English Signs
English may be well-known but it's not always well-written. Here are some hilarious signs
These One Frame Comics Are Guaranteed To Brighten Your Day
Sometimes, a single panel of a comic strip can contain so much wit and humor, and these one frame cartoons certainly prove it!
Collection - Design Fails & Construction Mistakes
An enormous collection of terrible design and construction mistakes.
Australia, the Unpredictable - 21 Sidesplitting Photos!
As these hilarious pictures prove, there's an equal number of pleasant surprises are terrifying encounters in Australia. You just never know what to expect...
This Bird Compilation Will Have You Hooting with Laughter
When it comes to entertaining us humans, birds, as you're about to see, are just as good at is as cats and dogs are.
Hilarious: These Hilarious Repairs Will Really Crack You Up!
Here are 14 hilarious repair fails that are bound to give you a good laugh!
Hilarious: Why You DON'T Send a Man to the Grocery Store
Sending a man grocery shopping - what could possibly go wrong?
Say What? 17 Idioms with Hilarious Translations
We translated 17 idioms and phrases from different languages into English, and the results are absolutely hilarious, but also very confusing
HILARIOUS: These Pets are Real Drama Queens!
Just like humans, some pets throw tantrums when they want attention. Just look at these 12 hilarious four-legged drama queens.
Cats Aren't Always Photogenic You Know...
These cats pull some priceless funny faces - you won't be able to contain your laughter!
These Driving Fails Will Have You in Fits
It's a wonder how these folks ever got their driving licenses, such is the ridiculousness of their actions. Here are 25 utterly hilarious driving fails.
Uproarious: Please Don't Sit Next to Me, Mr. Bean!
Mr. Bean is back, and this time he's on a plane trying to cheer up a young boy who is feeling a little sick. The results are of course hilarious!
These 14 Photos Were Taken Just a Moment Before Disaster
These perfectly timed photos are hysterically funny!
These Funny One-Liners Are Utterly Hilarious
These monsters are out to make you giggle. They've got no less than 20 one-liners to share with you, and we bet you'll be in fits of laughter in no time.
Hilarious: This Just May Be Why Building Codes Exist...
20 examples of the worst construction flaws, that will hopefully remind you to hire a professional next time.
Here's Proof That Wrong Spacing Can Ruin Any Sign...
Sometimes, a tiny mistake like a space in the wrong place can make all the difference, turning an ordinary sign into the most hilarious one you've ever seen!
16 Hilariously Terrible Maps That Will Make You Laugh
We’ve shown you plenty of interesting maps in the past. Today, let’s explore some of the most ridiculously useless maps of the world!
These One Liners Will Put a Smile on Your Face, Guaranteed!
A collection of crazy and unexpectedly hilarious jokes.
20 Hilarious Road Signs You'll Only Ever See in Australia
The land down under has a language of its own as you can see by these signs that are equal parts strange and hysterical
Don't Forget Your Hands - Hilarious Gag
People always say not to trust psychics, but I'll bet none of them have ever imagined a situation like this one!
These House Design Decisions Are Criminally Bad!
It’s hard to believe these weird houses actually exist!
Collection: The Most Hilarious and Bizarre Signs
his wonderful collection will make you laugh out loud as we present you with some of the funniest signs you've ever seen!