This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.