How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.