What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.