It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.