It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.