Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.