What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!