What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.