Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.