I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.