What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.