What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.