Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
You mermake me happy.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
You mermaid to go far.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.