Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Go big or go gnome.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.