Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.