I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Nothing really mattress.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I couldn't chair less!
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.