More candles means a bigger wish!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You are aged to perfection.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.