What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I have a heart-on for you.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.