This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You’re my heartthrob.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I have a heart-on for you.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.