One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I beg your garden?
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I’ll never leaf you.
I’m very frond of you.
I’m rooting for you!
Your good seed for the day.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
It’s party thyme.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Long thyme no see.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
We’re mint to be.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Don’t moss around.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
One more thyme.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
All clover the world.