A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well