Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.