Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
All farts...are laughing gas.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Only a**holes use bidets.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.