I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!