Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.