What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.