Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.