What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!