What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.