Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.