Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.