Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”