Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.