Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.