A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.