Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.