The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.