Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.