Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Go big or go gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."