If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.