Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Football is one habit I will never kick.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Having a ball
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Prepare to be bowled over.
By the seat of one’s punt
The goal nine yards
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
The calm before the score
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
We’re calling your number.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
The huddle is real
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
All punts are highly intended
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!