What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.