I like big punts and I cannot lie
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
The calm before the score
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
All punts are highly intended
Prepare to be bowled over.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Give me some pigskin
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
By the seat of one’s punt
I made a snap decision to watch football today
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Having a ball
Case in punt
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I’m establishing my punning game early today.