What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."