The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.