What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
You know what they say? Words.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.