You looked better when I was drunk.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
I think we need to become better strangers.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
"It's not me, it's you!"
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
We're donion rings.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
"My cat doesn't like you."
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
I really like you. So does my wife.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
You are so right. And I am so left.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"