"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner