"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
"Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions."
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”
– Diane Von Furstenberg
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
“They laugh at me because I’m different: I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
— Harvey Specter
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
"Resting is a part of the process, even if it’s not a part of the plan."
— Carley Schweet
“We must fall in love with yourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.”
– Mae West
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
"People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable."
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
"Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax."
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
"I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon."
"Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years."
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
“Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.”
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?””
– Sydney Harris
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
― Elbert Hubbard
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful."
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
— George Carlin
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
– Maxwell Maltz
“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be.”
— Jennifer Elisabeth
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
"Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you."
— Katie Reed
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
"It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."
― Germany Kent
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."